'23 Weeknotes #16: Coaching Territory? Or not?

You are reading ‘Like person, like coach’, a newsletter at the intersection of personal narrative and relational, integrative, anti-oppresive coaching practice.

This past week was one of those where the consistent learning you’ve been doing accumulates and crystalises into actual change in how you think and act. It’s a potent week as I’m also navigating ending coaching relationships as this year’s OrgBuilders is coming to end.

I am thinking a lot about self-awareness and how we grow into it throughout our lives. And how much it can change things in a coaching context. Over the last few years I’ve been holding this question of ‘how do I know when I’m switching from coaching into territory what might be reserved for other types of support, mainly therapy?’. In the last week I’ve noticed new awareness of moments when this might happen, how to recognise these moments and respond accordingly:

- Notice your body within sessions moment to moment and take note of how you are drawn into and impacted by the conversation. I noticed that when I lean into the screen too much I am too entangled and I need to ground myself;

💡 Resource: Eckhart Tolle - Presence (how to increase self-awareness)

- Notice the emotions and energy that runs behind your choice of coaching interventions. I noticed that when a coaching situation is a ‘trigger’ for me my energy is more interested in control rather than open invitation. I need to self-regulate before I can be of any more use to the client;

💡 Resource: When the Therapist is Triggered in a Session, Trauma Treatment Collective

- Notice the dynamics between the client and yourself. Pay attention to when you are being asked to ‘save’, become a ‘helper’ and you take up the invitation. I noticed that in certain coaching sessions I am more tempted to do this. Then I need to bring the conversation back into ‘adult-adult’ mode. (advice taken from Jules’ book below)

💡 Resource: Therapist into Coach, Jules Vaughan Smith

With all of these, a lot of the doing is in the noticing. That’s something I’ve learnt in therapy, how much power there is in acknowledging, seeing, noticing. Sometimes in coaching we are so focused on action-taking that we forget to appreciate the complex process of discerning right action. In becoming more aware of my body, emotion and dynamics I become more able to make good decisions and take appropriate action.

And as always:

This week I’ve been learning with:
Ness Labs Newsletter - Science-based tips on how to make the best of your mind
Mark Manson Newsletter - Unapologetic advice on life

And I recommend you:
🚀 Support Skylarks Collective to fund another 5 x places for Black, Indigenous and People of Colour on their Transforming Inclusion course
♥️ Join the White Men Huddle: What Next? to learn how to live into anti-racism and anti-sexism as a white man. Applications close 5th of September! Please share.

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Hello, I’m iacob, an ICF Associate Certified Coach supporting social impact leaders to lead sustainable change in the world.

If you enjoy reading Like Person, Like Coach, please recommend it to others who might find useful, too. If you have feedback and suggestions on how I can deepen my learning please write me on iacobrbacian@gmail.com.