Self >< Community
Moving beyond 'selfish/individualistic' to a broader holding of self-exploration
Hello, you are reading ‘Like Person, Like Coach’ by Iacob Bacian - a newsletter exploring the intersection of personal narrative and coaching practice.
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For the last 8 years that I’ve been in therapy a part of me has been unhelpfuly judgemental about the process. It’s been saying ‘this is not the way to reach healing because there’s no community in it.’ I have never grown because someone judged me. I have though grown because someone accepted me.
Therapy relationships are tiny communities. Two people willing to show up and be impacted by each other, often times, very deeply. I read a quote somewhere that went like: ‘Love means to be able to imagine the possibility that a person other than ourseveles can actually exist.’ (Who was it?) What follows for me is that in order to imagine a different self we need to understand the self we are differentiating from and vice versa.
A question I’ve been holding perhaps for many years is what is the work we need to do on ourselves to benefit and contribute to community? And what is the support we need from community to do this work?
I didn’t have a support network when I first arrived in the UK from Romania and mentors and therapists didn’t feel like they were for me. I joined the world of work with a bunch of unaddressed issues that were gnawing at me whilst I was trying to build a career.
So perhaps because of this experience I’m aware that there are many of us out there who aren’t able to be in community, not because we don’t want to, or are unwilling, but because of fear, long working hours, poor mental health, no knowledge of what support is available. As I become more able to benefit from community and maintain my wellbeing at the same time, it brings up grief thinking back to the many years when being in groups brought up primarily anxiety, shame and worthlessness.
The title of this newsletter ‘Like person, like coach’ helps me remember the work and support we need to enable us to connect with ourselves and each other from a place of freedom. The fact that some of us get to do this work and some of us don’t is an enraging impetus to keep showing up for jolting the systems that enable this reality and moving from ‘that’s so selfish’ to ‘what do you need?’
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Some links to continue exploring this theme:
1. adrienne maree brown talking about: ‘Healing self towards community.’ in Octavia’s Parables;
2. Nina Simone singing about finding freedom;
3. Alok talking about the freedom the trans community models in reimagining gender;
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News from this summer:
Kirsty (Simply Coaching) and I recorded a podcast episode on how to approach equity from a personal and relational level. Listen together with Charmaine Roche’s podcast episode on ‘Beyond diversity and inclusion, to anti-oppression, liberation and freedom.’
I joined NEON who offer hands-on support and training for campaigners, organisers, communications and operations teams working across social movements. I coach on their OrgBuilders programme alongside a cohort of coaches and participants deeply committed to building organisations anchored in anti-oppression and liberation.
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Do you lead social change? I’d love to work with you:
Book a 20min free call to explore coaching. Email iacobrbacian@gmail.com
One-to-one coaching conversations. Book on Calendly
Coaching programmes. Website.
I love meeting new people and connecting over the things that matter to us. Write me on iacobrbacian@gmail.com and stay in touch on social:
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Podcast (2021)
Blog (2020)
You’ve been reading ‘Like Person, Like Coach’ by Iacob Bacian - a newsletter exploring the intersection of personal narrative and coaching practice. Website
Self >< Community
Who can you do this work together with? <3